I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
