How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
