Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
