We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize