had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
