So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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