Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize