thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The Olympian is in my bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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