You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
