No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
