how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
honey bunches of taint.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
