we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
