I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
