Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
