dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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