guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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