Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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