So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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