I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
