Tell her she can't have a vagina
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
