What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
