how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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