Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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