The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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