Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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