You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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