grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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