Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
