you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
