A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
