I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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