I'm so fucking centered right now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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