You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
