How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
