Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
