apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
