We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
