SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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