Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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