Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
