Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
