Where did you get a picture of my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
