Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
