so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
