Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
