you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
