my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
