Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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