I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
