You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
