I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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