he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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