I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
