oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
