You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Someone shit on the floor
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
