You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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