She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
