i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
