Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
