i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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