I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
