okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
