I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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