Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize