Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
