Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
