Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
