These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to align my fucking chakras
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
