She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
